Jen here! It’s been a while since I last shared a new blog with you all. Our boys are now 12 and 14 and we have been practicing relational skills with them for their whole lives. I’ve been asking myself, what do I have to share with my fellow moms right now (that won’t embarrass my t(w)eens). So today I share what I am learning as I am transitioning in my season of parenting. I hope it brings you encouragement in your own parenting journey!
I am discovering that this new stage of parenting is teaching me a lot about myself. Despite having worked to grow in maturity and relational skills for the last 20+ years and working on my control issues, parenting teens brings up the places that still need work in a way like no other stage! Dr Jim Wilder calls the teen years the “power years” and for good reason. The teen years are a season for young adults to discover their newly minted power and they become very sensitive to who has the power and discover they have some themselves. Through observing adults around them and peers they learn how power is handled and how to get more. With the help of a little curiosity from us this is the ideal time for them to learn how to use their power in satisfying ways. (The big three for this season are power, relationship and truth).
There are a couple resources that have been immensely helpful to me in this season. One has been Barbara Moon’s Joy-filled Parenting with Teens, which has lots of helpful examples and stories that bring a good perspective to this stage. The second has been the prerelease version of Jim Wilder’s new book series on growing a more human community (newly revised version of the original Living with Men book and coming out in a week!). This series walks us through the needs and tasks of each stage of maturity with many example stories. While I have been familiar with maturity throughout my relational skills journey, as our boys are concluding the Child Stage of Maturity and growing towards Adult Maturity, it has been helpful to review again. This review has allowed us to look at where the boys still have gaps or weaknesses in their maturity that need some attention and review where our own maturity still has weak spots that have contributed to the way we have parented. It’s interesting to discover that the weak spots in the boys maturity also line up with areas in Chris and my lives where we still have weaknesses (usually based in pain from our past that has needed healing).
I have discovered with a new appreciation places where fears still lead me to control and micromanage some areas of the boys lives. I have discovered areas where I didn’t encourage their growth at the right times and instead stunted places in them through my parenting. I have discovered that most of the areas where practicing relational skills hasn’t changed the old patterns in me are places rooted in pain from my past. And I have discovered that the holes in my parenting show up differently for the different ages and stages of the boys and often related to what was going on in my childhood at that same age. And most importantly, I have discovered Jesus’ peace and redemption for my imperfect parenting.
I always am drawn in by your authenticity Jen. Thanks for showing us the way!
A great blog! Thank you!
This is my third time through the teenage stage of life. The first two times with my boys and now with my daughter!
I am a widow and I am so encouraged by your blog.
I am new to relational skills.
Thank you so much your encouraging blog.
I look forward to reading more.