Today Rebecca shares a story with us about the struggle when our children are eager for space from us. As a parent it is easy to take it personally when our young adult children are testing their wings and desiring more independence. The desire for independence is a natural part of the maturing process but it is stretching for us as parents as our role changes. I love how Rebecca seeks’ God’s perspective (aka Godsight) rather than getting reactive when interacting with her daughter about her desire for independence.
Rebecca Glaser is a parent to 5 kids and is passionate about becoming a joyful, relational parent who passes those skills on to her children.
Toward the end of the summer, my daughter was getting increasingly eager to move back to college to start her second year. One afternoon, I noticed that she was crying and I went over to give her a hug and find out what was going on.
“I just want to move so badly and get back to school and living on my own!” she stated tearfully.
As a mom, it can feel very personal when your child is saying they want to be away from you. I took a moment to appreciate the moment, that she was hugging me and confiding in me, and I asked God for some Godsight into what she was feeling and trying to communicate. I decided to try curiosity:
“Do you feel more like an adult and that you are moving forward with your hopes and dreams when you are at school?” I asked.
“Yes!” she nodded eagerly. “I can work hard, plan my schedule and decide what I will do in the future. When I’m here, it feels like I’m a kid again, and I am just sitting here not sure of who I am.”
I validated her feelings of sadness about losing some of her independence. I shared with her that I remembered living at my parents house when I was her age and how it did feel awkward at times as I was developing my personal style in their space. I let her know that I was glad to be with her, and that I would not take her desire to leave personally, and make it about myself.
We talked about what she would like her last couple of weeks at home to look like, and how it could be a joyful experience for all of us. I could tell from her face that she no longer felt alone in these big emotions and felt more connected to me too.
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Learn more about Godsight (aka Skill 13): www.thrivetoday.org/skill13
What an awesome story and example, Rebecca! I love how you handled this! Way to go!