I admit, I am a destination person. I am eager for the journey to be done so we can “get there!” and reach our target. The interesting thing about life and (especially the parenting aspects of life) is that we don’t really get to “arrive” at a destination and stay long. Have you ever noticed in parenting that, just when you think you’ve “figured it out,” your kids change and they need you to show up in a new way?
I have long felt God challenging my mindset that I can rest when I “get there” or I will enjoy it “once we have arrived”. Instead, He repeatedly invites me to slow down and enjoy where I am right now in the journey – chaos, joy, mess, unfinished work and all. For years I have been working to find joy and peace in the midst of the unsettled, unfinished and messiness of life and parenting. The good news is, I am getting better at stopping to seek Jesus’ peace when I feel the stress of life when things aren’t yet where I hope they would be (whether that is my to-do list, my children’s growth, our finances, our ministry or the many other areas in life that are still in process).
Six months ago one of our kitchen cabinets fell off the wall, damaging the countertops, cabinet and flooring below it, shattering all of the beautiful china that Chris and my grandmothers had given to us. This started a journey of intensive kitchen renovation (that the insurance company deemed necessary, but has yet to pay their full part) and a season of great upheaval. We have been living and working in a construction zone for 8 weeks now, and I have found plenty of opportunities to practice being flexible (something else I struggle with) and finding Jesus’ peace in the midst of being unsettled.
This season of unsettledness has brought a number of unexpected twists (like the boys being home sick 4 out of the last 8 weeks and relational dynamics exacerbated by living in half of the space we are used to) and there are many times I find myself wishing I could just “fast forward” life until the renovation is done and we’ve arrived at the destination.
In these moments, I recognize I am reaching the limits of my capacity and I’m heading into overwhelm. I am able to pause and breathe. I’m working to find intentional moments for quieting myself (even in the midst of sawing, hammering and drilling), and I sense Jesus prompting me to be tender with myself and lower my expectations both for myself and those around me. I am trying to be intentional in looking for things I can appreciate in the midst of the frustrations, sickness, delays, and upheaval. I am finding joy in the midst of the messiness of the journey. While I still have moments where I want to curl into a ball, pull blankets over my head, and close my eyes till we’re done, I am thankful these times are the exception rather than my constant state of being.
I remember when my kids were young, energetic and needing constant supervision. It was exhausting, delightful and overwhelming all at the same time. People told me “don’t take this for granted, one day you will look back and wish for this season again.” I remember thinking, that’s fine to say now, but I am exhausted! In order to find joy in the journey, we also have to find moments of quiet and rest in the midst of the journey.
It is my hope and prayer that you find joy in your messy, bumpy, chaotic, ever-changing journey, and the never-changing peace of Jesus in the midst of all of the unknowns and undones.
Leave a Reply