Pam Bryan is our guest blogger today and a friend of mine. Pam’s story is a great example of not only sharing joy with her granddaughter, but quieting herself and managing her own feelings as she interacted with her granddaughter. Quieting ourselves and showing up in a way that reflects our hearts in the midst of frustrating moments can be a challenge – I know it has been for me in my parenting! This is a beautiful example of how practicing the skill of quieting regularly can help you keep your cool and make for a teachable moment.
Pam Bryan loves to create an environment where authentic, timely and important words are communicated. She and her pastor husband live in Charlotte, NC and have five adult children (2 married into the family). Sophie has the distinction of being the favorite and only grandchild!
We drove home from Florida with smiles as we remembered a whole lot of joy moments! Time alone with our granddaughter, 4-year old Sophie, gave us front row seats to her advancing child level skills. It dawned on me that our own relational skills growth was revealed daily as we three interacted. How we responded in those “pop quiz” moments of life was enlightening.
Our last day together, Sophie and I walked to the park. The play area was ours alone! At one point Sophie ran ahead unaware that dirt and leaves were being stirred up by the workman on a riding mower. Clearly he wanted to mow the entire grassy area. We would need to leave. I called out, “Sophie come back!” She kept going. Again I called. She smiled at me and kept running. Though there was never any physical danger, I knew this moment was important for Sophie to learn a valuable lesson. I quieted my body, relaxing my shoulders. That simple act was a routine I’d been practicing for years. I could calmly remain the Nana Sophie knows, present and relational. Taking her hand, I looked into her eyes with a concerned look on my face. I gently said, “Oh, Sophie, you must come when Nana calls. I can see things and know things that you can’t see yet. I want to protect you from danger. You must listen and come immediately when I call you.” She did listen. In fact she seemed thoughtful. She got to choose the route for walking home. I felt relaxed and grateful for our moment.
Later that day when her parents called, Sophie started the conversation with, “I learned a lesson today!” My eyebrows raised. All four of us were curious. “I learned that I need to listen to Nana.” My eyes widened with surprise. We hadn’t talked about it beyond those four sentences. “When Nana calls me I need to listen to her.” Internally I was cheering! I hadn’t been angry, nor did I speak loudly. The concern in my voice tone and face expression was genuine.Sophie was simply being a four year old child having fun. In that moment she needed a calm Nana with relational skill 2 in place: “Soothing Myself” aka, “simple quiet”. My practice had paid off. Daily quieting trained me to stay calm when I felt an incoming big emotion. Having this skill is the best predictor of mental health for a lifetime! I think we both learned a lesson that day.
Learn more about quieting: www.thrivetoday.org/skill2
I love this story, Pam! Thank you for sharing.
What an awesome concise modeling story. I love it?