• Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest

    Thriving Mamas

    For mamas who want to thrive, not just survive.

    • Home
    • About
    • Blog
    • Videos
    • Contact

    September 18, 2020 By Jen 4 Comments

    Messing up Well

    Over the years, I’ve heard stories from a good number of friends who have rough relationships with one or both of their parents, or in some cases – no relationship. Many of them struggle with hurt and resentment.

    As our boys continue growing up, faster than I can wrap my head around, I find myself contemplating the preteen and teenage years on the horizon. I wonder what type of relationship I will have with them as they grow into adulthood. What kind of parenting legacy will I leave? Will the all-too-common hurt and resentment I see among grown children towards their parents happen in my relationship with my boys?

    I was seeking God in my quiet time and wrestling  with this question (and my fear) I asked,  “Lord, will my boys resent me someday?” The thought that came to my mind was: it is hard to resent humility.

    As I chewed on this thought, it rang true within me. Despite our best efforts, many things can go wrong in relationships. Not everything can be fixed with an apology. At the same time, an authentic acknowledgement of our shortcomings, with no qualifications or justification of our behaviors is the best hope for a restored relationship. 

    I know I frequently make mistakes in my parenting and am far from a perfect parent. By the time my boys are adults, I will have made more mistakes than I can count. I recognize that the goal of being a perfect parent is unattainable. So instead, I aim to be a parent who messes up well. 

    What does it mean to mess up well? Most of my mistakes in parenting come when I fall out of relational mode. In these moments my goal is to quickly notice I have fallen out, take steps to get back to relational mode and then humbly apologize to my kiddos when I mess up without justifying myself and my actions or words.

    There are no guarantees when it comes to life and relationships and no chance we will handle things perfectly. But when we aim to repair quickly, we have the best chance of preserving (and even strengthening) our relationships. 

    Check out the recordings of our Encouragement for Maxed out Moms Event where we dive deeper into this topic, as well as look at how to repair when we mess up.

    Previous Post: « Bringing the Fun Factor into our Families
    Next Post: Capacity and Hybrid Homeschooling »

    Reader Interactions

    Comments

    1. Jenny says

      September 19, 2020 at 12:44 am

      Love this!

      Reply
    2. Lyn Walker says

      September 19, 2020 at 12:57 pm

      Well said. Thanks Jen.

      Reply
    3. Brittany says

      September 24, 2020 at 7:36 pm

      Yes!!!

      Reply
    4. Elizabeth Bowman says

      February 3, 2023 at 12:38 pm

      Thanks for this doable way to approach our mistakes!

      Reply

    Leave a Reply Cancel reply

    Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

    Primary Sidebar

    hello & welcome

    Welcome to Thriving Mamas! We’re so glad you’re here. Feel free to reach out if you have any questions. And make sure to sign up for our newsletter to stay up to date on the newest blog posts.

    tips + tricks

    subscribe for regular updates and advice (and a free printable!)

    a featured event

    encouragement for maxed out moms

    a three night event series to help you find new ways to create joy, rest, and strategies for success

    learn more

    Tags

    4 Habits Act Like Myself Anger Appreciation Attachment Pain Attune Attunement Big Feelings Brain Skills capacity Children Comfort connection Discipline Emotions Endure Hardship Family Family Bonds Fear Grace Gratitude Immanuel Immanuel-Parenting Joy Maturity Overwhelm Parenting Patience Peace Quiet Relational Circuits relational mode relational skills Relationships Repair Return to Joy Sadness See What God Sees Stories Stress summer joy Thankfulness upset Validation Weakness

    Archives

    • Email
    • Facebook
    • Instagram
    • Pinterest
  • Copyright © 2023 · Thriving Mamas · Hearten Made ⟡