• Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest

    Thriving Mamas

    For mamas who want to thrive, not just survive.

    • Home
    • About
    • Blog
    • Videos
    • Contact

    June 11, 2021 By Jen Leave a Comment 0

    Attuning with your Infant

    Attuning is recognizing the emotional state someone else is in and meeting them there. (1) Attunement is important in all relationships, but is especially crucial for the growing brains of our babies and toddlers. In the process of attunement the other person feels seen, understood and not alone. In the case of infants (defined as babies and toddlers up to 4 years of age), this process of attunement is how they build joy, learn to calm and quiet themselves, and find their way back to relational joy from distress.  Our babies’ brains are born with a blank slate and the interactions we have with them build pathways in their brains they will use throughout  their lifetime.

    So what does it look like to attune with our infants? Whatever our baby is feeling, we join them in it. Does that mean if they are having a tantrum, we should have a tantrum too? While I remember those days well and the impulse at times to lay on the floor and cry next to my toddler as he was melting down, this level of “entering in” is not necessary to attune with our baby. I remember when my boys would have some big feelings at this age and my lip would stick out to pout with them as I would say, “Are you sad? That makes you sad!” Or my eyebrows would furrow and my lips purse and I would say, “You’re mad aren’t you? That is so upsetting for you!” When interacting with a baby, the words are more often to help us express what we see them feeling and help ourselves join them in it than for our baby, but as they grow into a toddler, (when accurately identified) these words can also help them learn to express what they are feeling themselves.

    In order to attune with our infant, we have to be able to handle the level of emotion they are feeling in order to join them in it. This can be a challenge, especially as their brain turns up the volume, which many parents fondly refer to as the “terrible twos”. I remember when my sons were in this stage, attuning to their feelings was more of a challenge, but especially when I was feeling low capacity. Exhaustion, hunger, being in a hurry – all of these impacted my ability to hang with them in their feelings and I would find myself wanting to move them on quickly from those feelings. Thankfully, in these moments, we can sometimes use distraction to help them forget about what they are upset about, which is especially helpful if we are trying to get out the door, but in the attunement is where the real brain growth happens.

    When our boys were in these years, we managed to capture on video a few instances where their big emotions hit and we were able to attune with them and help them recover. We’ve heard from a lot of parents that it’s been helpful to see a visual example of attunement in action and how our attunement helped our boys recover from some big upsets. Check out the playlist on our Youtube channel to see some examples.

    As you are in the trenches of attunement with your infant, give yourself grace. Joining our children in their feelings is a workout for us and often it is in the midst of a physically exhausting season of our lives where restful sleep can be scarce. Remember to ask for help so you can find windows of time for yourself to be refreshed so you can be ready for the next workout.

    For more about attunement and the ABCD’s of Raising Joy-Filled Kids at every stage, check out the new book The 4 Habits of Raising Joy-Filled Kids.

    1. The 4 Habits of Raising Joy-Filled Kids, page 33

    0
    Previous Post: « Gracefully Challenging Our Kids
    Next Post: RC’s, Validation, and Attunement… Oh My! »

    Reader Interactions

    Leave a Reply Cancel reply

    Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

    Primary Sidebar

    hello & welcome

    Welcome to Thriving Mamas! We’re so glad you’re here. Feel free to reach out if you have any questions. And make sure to sign up for our newsletter to stay up to date on the newest blog posts.

    tips + tricks

    subscribe for regular updates and advice (and a free printable!)

    recommended reading

    • The Three C’s
    • Keep Joy High During Upset
    • Relationally Correcting Teens
    • The Journey of Appreciation
    • When We Remove Fear

    a featured event

    encouragement for maxed out moms

    a three night event series to help you find new ways to create joy, rest, and strategies for success

    learn more

    Tags

    4 Habits Act Like Myself Anger Appreciation Attachment Pain Attune Attunement Big Feelings Brain Skills capacity Children Comfort connection Discipline Emotions Endure Hardship Family Family Bonds Fear Grace Gratitude Immanuel Immanuel-Parenting Joy Maturity Overwhelm Parenting Patience Peace Quiet Relational Circuits relational mode relational skills Relationships Repair Return to Joy Sadness See What God Sees Stories Stress summer joy Thankfulness upset Validation Weakness

    Archives

    • Email
    • Facebook
    • Instagram
    • Pinterest
  • Copyright © 2023 · Thriving Mamas · Hearten Made ⟡