This November, our friends at THRIVEtoday are focusing on the skill of appreciation. In past blogs I have shared ways to teach our kids appreciation and build rhythms of appreciation into our days and weeks. Today I want to share about the importance of expressing appreciation to our kids.
As a parent it can be easy to get caught up in what you wish your kiddo was doing differently (putting their dishes in the sink, saying please and thank you, picking up the food wrappers they leave scattered throughout the house, being kind to their siblings, etc.). When those things grab our attention, it can be hard to see or focus on what we appreciate about our kids and the good habits and characteristics they already have.
Maybe it’s just me, but the first things I notice are often the things I wish would change. I have to remind myself to look past what is annoying and right in front of me to notice what they are doing well and the character God is growing in them. I want to affirm the traits God has placed in them even more than I point out the places they need growth. I have read the recommendation to aim for five encouraging statements for every corrective one. I have to confess I am nowhere near that, but it is something I am working on.
I want to go beyond noticing their abilities “Wow, you are smart” and also affirm their effort and the character I see God growing in them: “You worked really hard on that. Good job persevering.” I also want them to hear that I enjoy who they are and that I am glad to be with them, beyond anything they do or accomplish.
In the midst of the teen years, there are days when it can be hard to find something I appreciate in my child’s behavior, especially when I am already feeling irritated. In these moments I turn to the Lord and ask Him, “Lord, what do you see in my son that you want me to notice?” or “Lord, what are you growing in my child that may not be showing up in their actions yet?”. These brief interactions with the Lord can open my eyes to see something I am missing and help me to see my child from the Lord’s perspective.
This Thanksgiving season, I encourage you to look for things you appreciate about each of your children and take time to express them. You don’t need to stop with your children. Tell your spouse, friends, in-laws, and co-workers what you appreciate about them, too. Consider carrying this beyond Thanksgiving and making it part of your everyday rhythms.
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Past blog posts on this topic:
- For more on appreciation check out Raising our Children with Appreciation
- For more on learning to tune in to the Lord check out Interactive Gratitude
Discover THRIVEtoday resources:
- The skill of Appreciation: www.thrivetoday.org/skill4
- The skill of Godsight (seeing things from God’s perspective): www.thrivetoday.org/skill13
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