Today, in my quiet time with the Lord, I was wrestling with something new I felt Him leading me to do. This new thing would stretch me outside of my comfort zone, which is not bad, but it is uncomfortable.
I’m realizing my struggle is not just doing something new, but knowing that I likely won’t do it well. You see, I am a recovering perfectionist. I don’t like to feel like I am failing. I don’t like the idea of not being able to do something well. I don’t like the idea of others seeing my mistakes, especially in an area where I think they would expect me to be more than competent.
In my quiet time, I sensed the Lord saying to me, “It’s ok to fail. It’s ok to make mistakes. I know it’s not ok with you, but it’s ok with me. Do your standards for yourself really need to be higher than my standards for you? I want you to aim for the target I show you, but it’s ok if you don’t hit it. I know you are not perfect and I don’t expect you to be. You are not alone. I will be with you when you succeed and when you fail.”
The picture came to mind of a toddler learning to walk. As parents, we expect them to take a step or two and then fall down. After many cycles of a step and then falling down, they start to take more steps in a row. Wouldn’t be it ridiculous for us to expect our baby to suddenly know how to run after taking one step? Instead, we expect they will fall and then get back up and try again. The same is true with a child learning to ride a bike.
These thoughts and pictures brought a sense of peace to my body and mind. Yes, the new thing was still intimidating and I know I am still likely to make mistakes and even fail, but I know I am not alone. Immanuel is with me and will be by my side, regardless of the outcome.
Are you struggling with an area in life where you are afraid of failing? Maybe it is a new endeavor where you are not yet experienced. Maybe it is something important to you, like being a good parent. Maybe it is reaching out to build a new friendship.
God is like a good parent to us; He knows us, loves us and knows our limitations. When we try something and fail, He is not upset about the failure – He is delighted that we are trying. Don’t take my word for it, bring your struggle to Immanuel – God with us. I used the Immanuel Journaling technique for my quiet time interaction with the Lord and suggest you try it as well.
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When our boys were growing up and in grade school, they became so nervous about making mistakes that they wouldn’t try then. We began a campaign in our home to make mistakes okay. When we would send them off to school, we’d encourage them to make mistakes because after all that is how some great inventions have come about – penicillin and post notes for examples. When we’d pick them up from school, we’d ask if they had made some good mistakes today. Those mistakes were always applauded. Then at dinner time we’d all share the mistakes we had made for the day, including us as parents. After a while the boys began to enjoy trying and having their mistakes applauded. Sometimes we as mothers need to give ourselves permission to make mistakes too and this can help abolish perfectionism. After all maybe one of our kids may be a new inventor and get a Nobel Peace prize just by making a mistake. It is worth a try!
I love this, thank you Kitty!
Such a great reminder. And I also really appreciated Mrs. Wilder’s experience. Such a great idea to do with our kids!
Thank you
I love this! We are a family of recovering perfectionists. In an effort to help our middle school-aged daughter overcome the fear of failure, we’re giving her a quarter every time she makes a big mistake at school this year. I find that creating space to talk about and loosen up about our failures is so very helpful!
So nice to see this email in my inbox, Jen! You are a gift!
Stacey, this is a great idea! I am glad you have found a creative way to give permission for and even encourage trying things and making mistakes.