I am excited to have my friend Kāmi share a story about an interaction with her adult son and how she used the skill of quieting herself in order to attune well. She is a great story teller and I enjoy walking through the scenario with her and her example – I know you will too!
Kāmi Ricks is a mother to three children, a son and a daughter, and a daughter-in-love. After a life of military travel, Kāmi now happily calls Texas home, where she enjoys family, friendships, coffee, and her role as Donor Relations Coordinator at THRIVEtoday
My name is Kāmi, and I have the joy of being a parent of adult children. One of which celebrated his one year wedding anniversary a couple of months ago, and the other one moved out-of-state to university this past fall. It has been a time of beautifully tough transitions. From college graduations, a wedding, transferring colleges, new jobs, graduate school… and this is just what has been going on in the lives of our children. Add in my husband’s and my life full of work, health, and education, life has been feeling a little like a fast moving train and the only thing holding it on to the tracks is Jesus.
The story I am about to share with you is one of many recently that I have had to pause, breathe, and quiet so that I can remember how to live from the heart that Jesus gave me in the season that I’m in.
As I heard the door unlock and watched our two Yorkies run to the door with excitement my heart filled with joy because I knew our son was home. When I came around the corner I had my arms wide, smile across my face, and a gleam in my eye because I was so glad to be with him; however, I noticed he was looking down at the floor.
I knew right away something was bothering him. His shoulders were tight and slumped slightly forward, eyebrows furrowed and jaw muscles working. I gently took his hand in mine and led him to the living room. He plopped down on the sofa, and I went to the kitchen to make us a coffee.
With each step I noticed my mind began whirling with words that I wanted to say. My heart was racing with a desire to fix, to respond, to fill every moment with solutions. Though instead of speaking I watched the coffee begin to brew. I inhaled the sweet aroma as it poured into the cup. Then I exhaled even slower and thought, “Jesus, I need you right now.” I closed my eyes and allowed my next breath to go a little deeper into my belly. It felt as if Jesus was wrapping His arms around me, and all the internal chatter began to diminish. My heart began to slow to a regular rhythm.
As I sat down next to my son with our coffees. Without even realizing it I took in another deep breath and exhaled slowly. My shoulders became more relaxed, my jaw released completely, and I noticed that my son had taken a breath also. Now we were looking at each other.
“Today has been a really busy and hard day, Mom.”
The words hung in the air, and I sensed Jesus saying,“Breathe, sweet girl.”
My son then exhaled slowly. The tension in his shoulders relaxed.
I said, “It is hard when days are busy and challenging. I’m so glad to be with you.”
He looked at me, gave a smile that came with a little twinkle in his eye, grabbed my hand, and began to tell me about his day.
As I sat there listening to him I felt like Jesus was right there with us. I focused on the sound of his voice, on the rhythm of it. I noticed the way his eyes flicked up to check if I was still with him. I made sure he could see that I was. When he was finished he looked at me and I at him, and we took a few deep breaths together and just sat a little while together.
That evening taught me that quiet is not the absence of love. It is sometimes its purest expression. It smells like coffee brewing. It sounds like steady breathing. It feels like the soft cushion of the sofa while patiently listening to the unfolding of a difficult day.
Most of all, it feels like peace. Soft hands holding each other in a time of need for connection. Calm breathing into your lungs that relaxes every part of you. The sweet space that is created for you to love your people more like Jesus.
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Learn more about the skill of Quieting: www.thrivetoday.org/skill2
Great story and example! Thank you, Kami.