Launching teens into adulthood comes with many hurdles and hiccups. Read on as Jen reflects back but also processes her current emotions off hitting yet another milestone as her oldest son earns his drivers license.
We now have a driver in the house. That’s right, our oldest son, Matthew, has his license and is now driving him and his brother to and from school, can get himself to sports practice and will drive himself to and from his summer job. This feels like a very strange, scary and wonderful time and my emotions span the full spectrum. I admit the first time Matthew drove his brother to school I watched the little dot navigate the roads from here to there on my phone tracking program, while crying. It was a moment of letting go, which felt freeing and terrifying all at once.
Each season shift brings unique joys and challenges.
When my babies (who are now teens) were actually babies I remember how exhausting, busy and joyful life was. Sleep was limited, leaving the house was a major ordeal and the days were full of smiles, laughter, occasional tears, snuggles and play. Alone time (even in the bathroom) was a rarity. I watch Moms of littles now and feel exhausted thinking about trying to keep up with a toddler, while also smiling as I see little faces light up to see their Mom and remember how my boys’ faces would light up to see me.
The chauffeur years were full of driving kids to school, appointments, practices or games and some nights dinner was consumed in the car between events. It was busy, but mostly joyful as we chatted in the car, listened to music or talked about the day. We would often stop at the library or park on the way home from school and loved to plan special trips to the zoo or local museums. Time with my boys was my hobby.
This season shifted again when puberty arrived. Conversations slipped to shorter answers with more irritability. They no longer wanted to do fun things on the way home from school and began to prefer the company of their friends over time with the family.
Now that Matthew can drive, it is yet again a new season. I find myself with more time to myself and more space in my schedule. But I also find myself having lots of emotions as I learn to increasingly let go. The boys’ increased independence brings excitement and fears in this next step towards adulthood. I worry about Matthew when he is driving and I’m not with him. I feel sad over the loss of time with the boys in the car. At times I feel attachment pain over their natural tendency to gravitate towards friends in this season. Sometimes I feel lost because I’m not sure what to do with my time as I am working to discover new hobbies that bring me joy.
So despite having more space in my calendar, I find myself less efficient as I can get bogged down in the many emotions that wash over me through the day. I find myself needing to take more space for myself to process and for quiet. I am being intentional to take time to explore what I like to do when I’m not needed as a chauffeur and seeking Jesus’ perspective and peace in the moments when the changes unsettle me. I know that more change is coming as they increase in independence, eventually move out and some day get married. I am grateful for Jesus meeting me in the changes and emotions now as the season of letting go begins.
For those of you who have released kids into new levels of independence, what has helped you along the way?
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