I am excited to have my friend Vincent share about his experience with screens and his sons and some intentional steps that have made a big difference in his family. We have had struggles ourselves with screens in our family and wrestled with when to introduce them. Read Vincent’s story of the power of connection.
Vincent Farirayi is a husband and a parent to two boys. He is passionate about helping people experience the best of life in God’s order. Vincent deeply values relationships, recognizing them as a critical component of experiencing true joy. The relational brain skills have had a significant impact on his life, transforming how he relates to his family by creating an atmosphere of joy that prepares them for chaotic times. Furthermore, these skills have enabled him to lead his team at work with heart and soul, fostering a thriving environment in the workplace.
We live in an era that has seen more technological advancement than any other time in human history. Technology has made life faster, easier, and more efficient. Personally, I love it. I am no master chef, but an air fryer has helped me prepare meals I would never normally attempt. At its best, technology serves humanity beautifully.
But somewhere along the way, something shifted.
Technology no longer simply serves us. In many ways, it has begun to rule us.
The Digital Experiment
As a father of two boys, aged 11 and 8, and someone working in a technology-driven field, I wanted my children to have access to the best tools available. Like many parents, I believed early exposure would prepare them for the future. So, we bought the games, introduced the tablets, and opened the door to digital devices at a young age.
What we did not realize is that these devices did not come with any warnings like any other thing that would cause harm; we had to figure it out ourselves.
At first, the changes were subtle. Then, they became undeniable. The more access our boys had to screens, the more disconnected they became—not only from their responsibilities, but from us. Tantrums and frustration increased. Emotional regulation weakened. The boys struggled to communicate with each other and became increasingly irritable and reactive.
The same children who once created entire worlds out of cardboard boxes slowly lost interest in creativity, stillness, and simple human interaction.
It finally dawned on my wife and me that, without structure, we were unintentionally preparing our children for a disconnected life. Their emotional and relational development was being shaped more by algorithms than by real human engagement.
Changing the Culture of Our Home
So, we changed the rules of the game. We shifted the culture of our home with a structured, intentional approach:
- Gaming: Moved from unlimited access to just one weekend a month during school terms.
- Television: Shifted to weekends-only during the school term.
- Personal Devices: Removed personal devices and phones completely. If school research is required, they use our devices under our direct guidance.
- Online Gaming: Eliminated entirely, protecting them from an unfiltered digital world they aren’t yet emotionally ready to navigate.
- When Friends Visit: We prioritise real-world connection. While we occasionally permit a strictly timed window for video games with friends, at least 75% of their time together is dedicated to active play.
The Power of Connection Over Consumption
Once we reclaimed the relational culture of our home, we saw our children begin to flourish emotionally, mentally, socially, and academically.
The transformation in our boys has been nothing short of remarkable. They became more emotionally present, more relational, and deeply connected to us and to each other. They can now regulate themselves emotionally, and they are far more present with us and in whatever they do—their emotional capacity has increased greatly.
The fighting drastically reduced. Creativity returned. They spend more time outdoors, read more, and engage genuinely in conversations. They began applying themselves more intentionally in their schoolwork and carried themselves with greater attentiveness and discipline. Even their school marks improved because they could finally focus and apply themselves.
And perhaps one of the most beautiful moments for us as parents is that our boys now even hold us accountable when we spend too much time on our own devices.
We discovered a powerful truth: children thrive when they are deeply connected to the people around them, rather than consumed by the screens in front of them.
Technology is not the enemy. But if we are not intentional, it will quietly shape our children for us.
How do you keep connection stronger than consumption in your own home?
Vincent Farirayi
Cape Town, South Africa
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For more resources about screens in families we recommend the books Techwise Parenting and The Anxious Generation.
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